(•ิ_•ิ)?

fuckin...

i was in my kitchen right

checking to see if my t-shirt was dry right

and i just burst out laughing

cos on the label of my t-shirt

it said george

cos i got it fae asda

and it was as if

every time i leave the kitchen

everything in the kitchen

springs tae life

like toy story.

and his name's george.

i was pissin mesel',

just imagine the slagging he must get fae the rest o the kitchen like that, fuckin...

"georgie progie pudding and pie

kissed the girls and made them cry".

but then i thought naw,

maybe no.

don't get mae wrang i've got nae doubt his nickname's georgie porgie

but it might be one of thae nicknames that they don't dare call him tae his face

like joe bananas.

cos if you ever call joe bananas

joe bananas

he'd fucking go

bananas.

well maybe if you call'd georgie porgie

georgie porgie

he fucking goes

bananas.

but then i thought naw,

maybe no.

cos it's no as if a t-shirt's gonna be the hard man of the kitchen.

that'd probably be

the kitchen knife.

but then i thought naw,

hawd on.

kitchen knife in a fight against

a frying pan?

frying pan would win.

kitchen knife in a fight against

the chopping board?

chopping board would win.

chopping board wouldnae even feel it.

chopping boards are made to no gi a fuck about kitchen knives.

kitchen knife in a fight against me?

aye, the kitchen knife would win then

but i'm the only one in the kitchen the kitchen knife would win against

and i just thought

that i bet the rest of the kitchen are onto that,

and pure take the piss out of the kitchen knife,

and bully it and that,

grog on it.

and that got me worried

cos it reminded me of those schoolboys you get in america that get bullied

but then they come into school one day

and kill everybody

and cos i'm the only one in the kitchen the kitchen knife can kill...

aye that got me worried

so i just thought

"look, you've came in,

you've checked your t-shirt,

it's no dry yet,

just get out and leave them tae it".

now, i'm not saying that my kitchen actually does come to life when i leave right,

i'm not mental or anything,

but see as i was walking out?

see in my frying pan?

i gave it a wee dunt.

gave it a wee dunt

in front of the kitchen knife,

just in case.