tips to argue harder ™

flork of cows

We’ve all been there - embroiled in a heated debate where neither side will back down.

But what would really make your arguments impossible to refute?

Next time, follow these simple steps to argue even harder.

1. Make sweeping generalizations. Never bother with qualifications like “in many cases” or “often true but not always.” Your assumptions MUST apply to every single situation without exception. This will infuriate anyone trying to nuance the discussion.

2. Refuse to look at counter-evidence. Shield yourself from anything that challenges your position. Plug your ears, avert your eyes, and shout loudly if presented with an alternative viewpoint. Facts have no place in an argument - it’s all about sticking to your guns.

3. Take things personally. Make it clear anyone disagreeing with you is disagreeing with YOU as a person. React defensively whenever your assumptions are questioned. Insist the other side just doesn’t “get” you rather than consider you may have missed something.

4. Nitpick semantics over substance. When logic fails, focus on semantics instead. Quibble over a single word or minor detail to derail the core argument. Folks will be dazzled by this show of intellectual rigor.

5. Repeat yourself ad nauseam. Going over the same worn-out points repeatedly, louder each time, will definitely change minds and not just give people a headache. Stamina matters more than persuasiveness.

6. Storm off angrily when challenged. Slam doors for emphasis to drive home your razor-sharp reasoning and openness to alternative perspectives. No one wants to engage with someone, so, let’s say, “brittle.”

7. Never apologize. If by some fluke you’re proven wrong, pretend it never happened. Your assumptions are always right, even in hindsight, so why acknowledge mistakes? This ensures endless rehashing of the same unresolved dispute.

Sticking rigidly to what you assume to be true, no matter what, is a sure path to victory in debates.

Right? Right? …Hello? Where is everyone going?!

image: remix of a flork of cows comic panel.