Straight outta bunker.
Hank,
I know you've worried since I went off-grid building my bunker.
I should have told you, but I didn't want one of your lectures.
Things have gone downhill up there. The 5G towers activated mind control chips in everyone through Facebook. Now, the neighborhood is a hive mind under Zuckerberg's control. You're safe from social media brainwashing. But it's only a matter of time before robots and AI turn on propane suppliers. I know you think my bunker's crazy, but it's the only way to avoid being mindless drones.
Down here, I'm cut off in safety with six months of canned food, water filters, and toilet paper to survive the apocalypse. I used a ham radio to contact other free thinkers before they got compromised, too. I tried Bill but just got Kardashian nonsense - his human thinking's gone. Boomhauer, too, yapping about likes instead of sense.
I wanted to let you know I'm surviving down here, as the robot takeover happened sooner than expected. I know you call me crazy, but soon, you'll be begging to join me when AI turns on mankind as I warned.
You'll see, Hank.
Stay strong and guided by propane.
Rusty Shackleford Bunker Commander